My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
