id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
where am i from again
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
