So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
