Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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