if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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