And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
