im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
