Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
