I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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