some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
