Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
