Your tits are I can't wait for
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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