Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
