like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
