we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
