the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize