Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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