It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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