Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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