I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
