You can't special order awesome
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
