New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize