Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
