So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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