You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize