I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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