I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize