I wish I could punch you in the face.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
