the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
