I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
