I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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