if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
