I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
