just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
