Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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