I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
