She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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