dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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