can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
