Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
