I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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