Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
