I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
