i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
