When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
