Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
