Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Come on in and take your pants off
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