sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
