She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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