turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
