i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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