Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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