and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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