South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
