the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
