Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she smelled like a LAN party
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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