It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
