is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
