she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As shirtless as possible
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
