OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
high people should be assigned attendants
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
