The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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