i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
