jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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