Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
