So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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