We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
