Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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