So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
