Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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