I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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