i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
